New Friends, Same Issues

 Before you assume based on the title, it is not that I have issues with my friends. I love my friends dearly. But, if you have some sort of chronic illness or disability (including mental illnesses), there is a process when you get a new friend that they have to learn about it first hand. You can tell them about what it's like for you, but until they see what you go through, that's when it really sinks in.

I've been autistic my entire life. I always will be. And I've had an assortment of mental illnesses for well over a decade now too. Not the same as if I had a physical disability, but it's still something that flares up and effects me in deep and painful ways.

The worst part is that sometimes it kicks up when I least want it to, in ways that make others feel like it's their fault. But it's not. It's mostly genetic, a bad luck before I was even born. It's not something I'll overcome permanently, even if I have long periods of recovery. I know people well into their 60s still struggling with a mental illness they've had since their 20s or teens, and that is unfortunately my future.

I had a really good spring and summer last year. It went downhill in the fall, and now, here in winter, it's become very difficult to cope with. I'm doing what I can, but regardless of how much I try to prepare or prevent, issues happen. And with new friends, these issues are new to them, and there's a learning curve of sorts, to become more comfortable with seeing me struggle in a way that they haven't before. Because I can be strong, for a long time, until I can't.