Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Angelversary

   Today marks one year since Brave Ariel earned her wings.  From her mom:
"RIP Ariel Gariano, you came into the world at 12:10pm on Aug 19, 1998. On Dec 10,2012 at 11:26 pm you breathed your courageous last and I pray you, your soul, your heart, are basking in the glory of the next world. My heart and soul vanished that late Monday night when you breathed your last in my arms Ariel Rose. Your heart beat on so strong, so determined, even though you couldn't breathe to feed it precious air any more. Your blue eyes remained closed as though in slumber, your chest stopped rising and falling and still the beat of your heart under my fingers was clear and strong like the wings of a bird fluttering, preparing for flight. Your lions heart still pounding as 3 nurses listened at your side stethoscopes drawn as they stood protectively around you...all of us helpless to do more than stand witness to your final moments in the body we all so dearly loved. In the middle of your chest, rested my hand, feeling your heart fight on, hard at first, than softer beats. than slow whisper beats, and finally silence. Thank you Haleema, Chuck, Vicki, Garin and Cat, for letting me be her Mom and helping me hold her and cradle her to the very last. Thank you for the smiles, tears and love that showered her in those final moments. 
I just can't comprehend the world has gone on, moved forward an entire year without her. That Fentons and Zacharys, and Chinese Restaurants the Bay Area over, could still function with a profit without Ariel Rose seems incomprehensible. How can there be a Thursday night bingo, without a fluffy pink shakedown artist waiting in the wings of 5 South amusing her nurses, bouncing between bingo and baseball, and chili cheese fries at the oddest moments. How did Disney and Pixar make a single cent without Ariel pushing their products before the production team even decided on a name (as the child waited with baited breath for BRAVE when it is was simply, The Bear and The Bow). And how can Pokeman battle in this world without Ariel and Noah at the helm. And won't Jake Garcia and Pat Swift simply revert to mere muggles without their wizarding spell quizzes and surprise OWL testing, reminders that Latin isn't just for medicine anymore. And 'little Anne' along with her Romo plush tiger, don't travel with her everywhere. anymore. And no Ariel, I still don't know if Big Anne has seen an otter yet (which drove you nuts), though you still can remain proud you at least introduced your doctor from Wisconsin to salt water taffy in the ER. Otter nagging and taffy lessons all on that very same night, you showed a young wet, homeless man, that not all angels have wings, or hair. and instead of celestial song, they sometimes wheeze and cough blood, as you pressed into the hand of this lost and bewildered stranger, begging him to find shelter and get food. No matter how sick, no matter how much you hurt, you always worried about others, family, friends, and sometimes, no all times, strangers most of all. I must sound mad rambling like this but I don't how else to voice my frustration. They say time heals all wounds (an enormous lie) the say the pain of absence gets easier, but it's another lie. I don't want to get better and I don't want the pain to ease, I want you back Ariel. I want my beautiful girl whose tinkling laugh contained the sound of a thousand fairies, and your mischievous grin bore the mark of a thousand imps. I want my angel faced girl who wanted a pet tiger instead of a puppy. who only liked princesses that could rescue themselves. I want the child who brought me to my knees in sheer humility at her quiet moments of kindness and her wrath at any injustice or intolerance. I want my girl who believed in underdogs and miracles, because she believed in, NO she IS magic. I want the child, I didn't deserve, who laughed and loved and fought and cared for all, not when it was convenient, but with every breath she took. And most of all I want the one thing that can calm my soul, the feel of your arms around my neck, the words 'I love you Mommy' said in my ear followed by the disgusting feeling of a tongue licking the side of my face as you dissolved into giggles yelling "LION CUB KISSES! LION CUB KISSES". Oh how poor Dr Julie in Infectious Disease would be horrified by our favorite prank. I miss you my lion cub with a longing that can't be put into words. How the Earth continues to turn on it's axis without your immense heart on the land to keep it moving, I'll never know. I love you Ariel Rose to infinity squared - Mommy"

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